Things are changing, and they'll never be the same again. Is that dramatic enough for ya? But it's true. I had a lovely emotional rollercoaster this week. It ended with our beta fish, "Fishy" finally going belly up (10 points for creativity on that name, right?) Well, I mean, finally going belly up and MEANING IT. After Christmas, we came back and discovered that our fish had had a stroke. Or some other fishy-health crisis that resulted in him laying sideways in his bowl. Everyone who came over would say, "Oh no! Your fish died!" You know, cause the fish would be floating sideways at the top of the bowl. But then I'd assure them, "No, it's cool! He didn't!" shake the bowl and FREAK THEM OUT. (Both our guests and the fish). The fish would do this crazy sideways flop/swim and our guests would say, "OMG, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FISH!"
But then one day he didn't do his flop/swim. And we knew he was gone.
The girls celebrated his life by organizing a playdate around the funeral, making a tombstone out of sculpey clay and burying him beneath the rose bushes in the back yard. They made up a schedule (that included "play games!!!" in the lineup), and drew a little program. It had a picture of a fish with big X eyes. Subtle.
But don't think when I say "emotional roller coaster" that I'm counting the death of our fish. Mostly, I was upset because we said goodbye to Ella's charter school! Her last day was Wednesday. Gretchen and I walked her across the park and into class, where we realized that Ella hadn't given me the permission slip to watch "Flushed Away". So we went inside for the LAST TIME and signed off on that. And I figured while I was there, I might as well get it over with and turn in our resignation. And I CRIED. I'm sure the super kind front office lady thinks I'm a huge nerd, though she did get a little teary too. Only because she's so nice and kind and didn't want me to be a nerd all by myself.
As we walked back though the park to our car, Gretchen noticed that I was still upset, and she said, "Mom, it's ok! Take big breaths, in and out!" I explained that I was just feeling sad saying goodbye to all our school friends, and she said, "When you feel that sadness coming up, just swallow it back down! Big breaths and swallow it down!" WHERE DID SHE LEARN THIS!?!?!!? She tried to make me laugh and said, "Did you think that was funny? Are you happy now?" OH MY SWEET GIRL, she just made me cry more. So really, it's all her fault that I was walking through the park crying. But at least Sammy, the local pan-handler didn't come up to ask me for money. So that's good.
Before we said goodbye to the fish, before we said goodbye to the school, before we avoided eye contact with Sammy the pan-handler one last time, I joined the fourth grade for their LAST FIELD TRIP!!!! We went to Virginia City STEP BACK IN TIME and got the most excellent tour of the cemetery I've ever had the privilege to attend.
When I got to school Monday morning, Mrs. P said, "Oh Apryl, I have a project for you!" Immediately I thought, "Oh no, who am I driving, and will I still be smiling in the next 5 minutes?" But the "project" was just our sweet, lovely girl scout friend with a broken foot! The crutches and the wheelchair weren't going to work, so we got a WALKER! We were super cool and got to go first and park closest at everything. See?
To help us get over our sadness, we left the school and met our friends at the Peppermill. My friend Jaime is pretty much the best and organized it all. We had an excellent time. But really, how could you not?
This week is Gretchen's last week of school. Which means kindergarten graduation. Which means I'll be crying again soon. Which means that Gretchen will be giving me more tips on how to shove all that emotion down into a dark place in your soul until you can't handle it any more and explode (I'm guessing we need to have more talks on healthy emotional outlets... ;)
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