Aw Punkin...

Look at this. Our first picture of the week is NOT GRETCHEN SCREAMING! It's a miracle. I know. In fact we didn't get ONE picture of Gretchen screaming this week! HOORAY!!!!



But we did get this shot...



...and this one (this one is like a puzzle. Can you count the hazards in this photo? Leave your answers in the comment section. Person with the most wins a PRIZE!)



Last Monday we went to visit Ella's BFF's casa. Her mom gave them a playdate-birthday-party. With homemade Tres Leches Cake. OMG. So GOOD! And now, a month later, her birthday is OFFICIALLY OVER. And yes, we're planning her 6th birthday party already. At least Ella is.



This is what's left after Gretchen ate her strawberries. Apparently Baby likes her strawberries.



Look, matching ballerina outfits!!!!




The girls found an old skateboard while we were cleaning out. It's now sitting in the middle of the hall. Cause that's a good place for it, right?



How many times have we been to the pumpkin patch in the past five days? THREE TIMES. This is the only time I brought my camera (you're welcome). Look at how pretty these pumpkins are. Awwww... Credit for Gretchen's hat goes to Stefanie, the most amazing knitting lady ever.



Gretchen's dress could NOT STAY ON. After this I pinned it. But she flashed a lot of people before I fixed it. (And yes, I realize this is the THIRD topless toddler pic on this post alone, and yes, I also realize that the first one was not censored.)




We went on a hay ride. Nothing screams "FUN" like riding on a trailer full of hay bales while sharp bits of dried grass imbed themselves into your thighs. Come on guys! Lets do it again! (Notice how Gretchen is trying to escape in this photo, but I'm trying to cover it up with my head-tilt-smile-everything's-fine-pose.)





On Saturday, before Auntie Amber called to rescue me from the girls, I mean take them to the Pumpkin Patch for the 2nd time, the only thing keeping Gretchen happy was:
1. If I held her in my lap like a baby (her words)
2. If I put the blanket over her head. MUST BE OVER HER HEAD.
3. If I put her keyboard across our laps so she could play music while in recline.
(Check out her expression. She knows she's getting away with something.)


So for Halloween, Ella wants to be Casper The Friendly Ghost. Her idea. Gretchen's costume will be provided by Colby. (Remember Ella's costume circa Halloween '06? Let me remind you, it consisted of a black plastic trash bag with head and arm holes cut out, red duct tape around the waist, and fairy wings. She was a demon baby. Cute.) Stay tuned to see what he comes up with THIS TIME. I know, I can't wait either.

Unexpected Harvesty-Fall Stuff

Here's the required 1st-post-picture of Gretchen smile/grimacing/whining for the camera. But this week it's topless. Nice!

Gretchen whining? How unexpected!



What else was unexpected? Uncle Ian coming to visit! Hooray for Uncle Ian! And also unexpected? Uncle Ian's awesome brick-red, um....haircut. No one rocks the "Mr. T" quite like Uncle Ian. Ella loaned him some extra necklaces from her birthday party to help him with his Look.



How nice is Uncle Ian? Nice enough to drive 8 hours so we could take Auntie Krista to sushi for her birthday dinner. Grandma and Grandpa even came (they got the chicken dinner).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTA! Sorry about Gretchen licking your face last week!



This is how Colby looks from Ella's perspective. I think it explains many things in their relationship.



Gretchen loves ALL her cousins, but Shaunte holds a special place in the girls hearts. They LOVE him. In a slightly overwhelming, "Can you please get your kids off me" kind of way. Here they are, reunited after, I don't know, EIGHTEEN MONTHS? Yeah, I'm pretty sure Gretchen was only 3 months old last time they met. But her devotion runs deep.



Ella's BFF moved. We now have to drive an hour to visit her. Not cool. But we visited a few weeks ago. Ella crashed C's ballet class. Isn't this the cutest thing ever?



Also cute? Lamas. I know. Ella's school had a Harvest Festival this week. GOOD TIMES.



Last night the ward had a Barn Dance Social. I now know the Electric Slide. I'd survived 33 years without that knowledge, but decided to learn it and OWN IT. If you want lessons, I can totally teach you. Also, Cotton Eye'd Joe. (Which is funny, cause I distinctly remember dancing at the Vortex in SLC circa Fall '94 to that song. But now I know the "REAL" dance to it. And I learned it in the "Cultural Hall" at church. Awesome. Ok, maybe that's not really funny. I am old. The end.)

REASONS MY CHILDREN ARE AWESOME:
Last night at the Barn Dance...
Seminary Teacher: How are you doing Gretchen?
Gretchen: (pulls pants down)
(later)
Seminary Teacher: Hello Ella, how are you?
Ella: Tickle Tickle Tickle (tickles his belly)
Seminary Teacher: Um, you're not supposed to do that to people, sweetheart...

Yes, my children both sexually harassed the Seminary Teacher. Within an hour. So very proud.

So what are your plans this week? Hitting the Vortex? If you are, you should totally call me....

xo

Gretchen Rose Is The Harbinger Of Chaos

I don't need a Cylon to warn me, Gretchen cannot be trusted. And yes, this is going to be one of those blog posts where I complain about my toddler. This afternoon alone:

-She scattered a box of cereal across the living room floor. And threw in some pretzels just for fun.

-Despite the fact that I keep my chair far, far away from my glass-topped art desk specifically for this reason, she still found a way to climb onto my desk and open the pen drawer. You know, the pen drawer that I moved to the top of my art desk to keep her out of it. Then she found a black permanent marker and colored her leg. And her arm. And her hand (so she can say "Bye Bye!" and show off her ink. She showed me.) And the sweet little B&W photo of Ella & Gretchen I have hanging at my desk. They now both have blacked in eyes and gaping black mouths. It's a little "Black-Hole-Sun". Awesome.

-While I was making dinner she did the classic "MOMMA MOMMA MOMMA" whine-cry/step-on-my-feet-while-simultaneously-pushing-me-from-the-counter for approx 10 minutes. I thought I bought her happiness with a few slices of cheese, but then realized she snuck one of the chocolate cupcakes we made for tomorrow's Harvest Festival & smushed it into the carpet in front of the TV. After that was cleaned up, I found the cupcake wrapper chewed into a lovely little turd-shaped curl that she left next to the water filter. Aw, thanks Gretch!

-Apparently full of stolen chocolate cupcakes, she then proceeded to grab handfuls of her dinner and rub them into her shirt. When her dinner was confiscated, she took her sippee cup & shook it onto the dinner table. Then she splashed her fists in it. Then she laughed. Then she cried because I took her milk away too. Then Auntie Krista showed up and took pity on her. Then Gretchen LICKED HER FACE. Auntie Krista didn't have much pity for her after that.

-She brought me another chunk of hair that she'd removed from her sister's head.

-She is now in bed.

What am I going to do with this kid? Anyone? Anyone?

Happy Birthdays!

This week....
Gretchen did a striking Sasquatch impression and foraged for food in the background. She likes Grandma & Grandpa's grapes.


I know, practically separated at birth...


Last Sunday, or "Ella's Actual Birthday", we had cake and presents.



What's that? AN EASY BAKE OVEN? Boo-yah! We busted that bad boy out after school on Monday. 1.5" cookies baked under a 100 watt light bulb with adult supervision? Delicious!!! Thanks Auntie Amber & Uncle Dan!



We continued the Birthday Celebration by going out to eat on Monday. In-N-Out! Why yes, those ARE teal leggings with socks under her skirt. Why do you ask?



Gretch got in on some sticker action. And ate almost 1/2 a burger by herself. Dude.



This Saturday was the Big Party! Auntie Amber led the girls in some rousing games (both Ella's boyfriends had soccer games, so they didn't get there till later... But look at how cute these girls are!) Red Light, Green Light. Mother May I. Good times.



Does Amber have some competition? Gretchen was totally working Uncle Dan.



After lunch we had our Dance Off! Woot!!!



These girls were serious dancers. SERIOUS.



After the Dance Off, Ella opened presents. Who's that in the background? IT'S MISS VALERIE! Ella's favorite Preschool Teacher came to her party? How awesome is that? I know!!!!



Good times being had by all...



Then, the TREASURE HUNT!!!



Miss Valerie took pity on the kids and helped them interpret my map. (Apparently I need some cartography lessons.)


Action Shot!





Gretchen isn't really sure what's going on, but she knows it's awesome!



So yay! That's it! We had a great time. Wish y'all could have been there.

Loves!

Creative Outlet

Let's say you got a fabulous new camera for your Photography class. And, perhaps, you also have 2 super cute kids. You'd use them as your subjects, right? Ok, now lets say your daughter has a High School Musical obsession, and has all the HSM dolls. Instead of photo shoots of your darling children, of course you'd have to use the semi-creepy dolls, right?

I got to help with the shoot. I held the "diffuser" (the soft natural light really brings out the highlights in Ryan's bowl cut, dontcha think?)



Oh Gabriella, it's so sad about your boyfriend...



I'm so proud of my husband.



This one is a little more "Raw" and "Artsy", right?



I can't wait to have these blow up to poster size. And just wait till we have our OWN HOUSE to display them! Hooray!

Gretchen spent the week keepin' it real:




And we spent the rest of the week getting ready for Ella's birthday!!! IT'S TODAY! Don't tell her, but we only got her one present. Mostly because there's 2 garbage bags full of toys that were confiscated by Colby when Ella refused to pick them up. Oh yeah, also we're poor. But the toy we did get her is AWESOME. It's a Barbie Dream "Environment". A modular home. In pink. I know.

You can go to my illustration blog to see the cool craft Ella helped me make for her party favors for her "Friend Party" on Saturday. And yeah, you'll see how I totally used the same silly story about Ella's party planning again. Because I'm turning into my Mom and tell the same story to all my friends. Again and again. I can't help it.

Stay tuned for BIRTHDAY PICTURES!!!

The Gretch Goes To School

This is the face Gretchen now makes every time I pull out the camera. It's a slightly-smiling grimace accompanied by a scream and arm-raise with the intent of communicating that I should immediatly:
1. pick her up, and
2. give her the camera.



Here's the same sentiment with different cropping.



We know what happened LAST TIME I gave her the camera. She is not pleased when I frustrate her plans. It helps to lower her to a carpeted floor and walk away while she writhes and screams. Also, earplugs might be a good investment.

On Thursday Gretchen got to come with me to Ella's classroom to "volunteer". There are LOTS of bins in Ella's classroom. Bins of sponges. Bins of markers. Bins of buttons for counting. Bins of paintbrushes. Bins of small sharp objects that can be used as projectiles. Mostly my volunteering service was spent cleaning up the bins that Gretchen tore apart and then removing her from the classroom when her delicate sensibilities were offended. I know, I know, "Apryl, WHY didn't you 'know your limits'? Obviously taking The Gretch to Kindergarten is not a good idea. Come on!" And I knew what I was getting in to. But Ella's super awesome teacher (really, I'm not being sarcastic. She's Super Awesome. I love her and want to be her new BFF) asked me if I could help because she, "Really needed volunteers and didn't have anyone to help on Thursday, and it's totally fine to bring the baby, really!"

End result: I am no longer volunteering on Thursdays. I'll be going on Fridays when Colby can keep The Gretch. Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher swore it wasn't because of Gretchen's behavior. In fact, she started out by saying, "Ok, this really Really REALLY isn't because of the baby, but I won't need you on Thursdays anymore..."

Phew.

And Stop With The Singing!

Ella is slooooowly getting used to her new schedule. Yes, the schedule that makes her wake up at 6:30 in the morning. FOR KINDERGARTEN. I know. But she gets to wear a uniform, so that kind of makes up for it. But it does not, however, make up for the 20 new gray hairs I have from dealing with The Crankiest Four Year Old EVER. (Seriously? Are you really throwing a temper tantrum in public? YOU ARE FOUR. And I am not afraid to spank you! Just ask Uncle Shea. He totally saw The Legendary Fit at The Legends Shopping Experience.)

So we've been trying to take it slow and not plan as much after-school fun. Yesterday, after a post school tantrum BEFORE WE EVEN GOT IN THE CAR, she was sentenced to 20 minutes in Time Out, no TV, and an afternoon nap (where she did not sleep, but did ask me for a snack, drink and movie about 300 times). But today she was reasonably well behaved. Meaning she slowly stopped whining after I threatened to put her in time out, take away TV, and force nap time again. She asked if we could to go Target. Because that's her favorite place in the world. (Can you blame her? It's one of my favorite places too. Mmmmmm, consumerism....) Since both the girls were behaving, and I am in desperate need of contact solution, we went. Ella got a treat. Gretchen enjoyed trying on sunglasses. I found a summer outfit on clearance for Ella for next year's clothes stash. Our tentative foray into public was a mild success. I think we may even attempt the library again one day.

The Story Of Us In The Car:
ME: (Singing loudly and badly to that stupid Kidz Bop CD that came in Ella's happy meal a few months ago.)
Ella: Can you please stop singing Mom?
Me: No. ...la la la..And I'm gunna miss you like a child misses her blankie, but I have to move on with MY live... la la la la (seriously? This song sucks.)
Ella: Mom, STOP SINGING.
Me: You're going to hurt my feelings, honey. (sings crappy song louder)
Ella: Mom, you're hurting MY feelings with your singing!
Me: Guess what, it's my car and I can sing if I want.
Ella: Fine, you can sing till this song is over, and then no more.
Me: Should I turn around and NOT go to Target?
Ella: Fine. You can keep singing.

Ha ha, I win.

BTW, you're totally invited to Ella's birthday party.



Nope, nothing creepy about this image!